No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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