By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
