A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
