We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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