sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
