1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
