sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
