my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
