Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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