I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
