You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
