Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
