there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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