I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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