Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
