Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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