Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
