YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
