i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
