and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
