I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
