There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
