I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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