so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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