i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
