9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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