i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize