Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's paint friendship bongs
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
