I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
