The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
