oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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