In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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