Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
