we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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