he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
