Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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