I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
