At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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