I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
