More tranny stories later!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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