You're completely useless in the revolution.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
