I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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