I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize