and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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