i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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