At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize