yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize