he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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