you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
