Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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