she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
