You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
