You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
