I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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