I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
