Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
