please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
