you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
