I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
