Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
