i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
