dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
