We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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