I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
