It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
