I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
